13hrs in county wearing bright blue spandex, chapter two

So Gish pulls me up off the ground and begins marching me to the squad car. With his one hand on my handcuffed wrists, he rudders me along from one side of the intersection to the other. I'm not looking up to see what the TV news crew is doing, or what anyone else at the scene is doing for that matter. I just clickity-clack along in my cleated bike shoes, embarassed, towards the black and white.

The first noticeable thing about the back seat of a squad car is how little room there is. It's such tight quarters that if you exhale too much, you'll fog the plexiglass separator. Long after my spandex clad jail adventure, I asked an officer who gets more room back there: a human or police dog? He said the dog.

Another thing about the back seat is it's entirely made of plastic. The floor and backside of the front seat are covered in rubber material. I wasn't expecting leather, but I figured there'd be at least cheap vinyl upholstry. The officer who told me police dogs get more room also explained that canines get cushioning and upholstry since they don't get drunk and puke.

Following the handcuffing, I resigned to not saying another word. So I'd been sitting quietly for a long time before a flatbed tow truck came on the scene. Apparently this frees Gish and his partner for the trip to jail. The partner hops into driver's seat and pops the trunk. I see Gish rolling my $4500 bike toward the car. Crash! Clang! Thump... Thump... Thump.... I turn around and there's Gish dropping the trunk on top of a bicycle part protruding from the compartment. Thump... I turn forward in silent rage. Gish leaves the trunk ajar.

The trip to jail began with a U-turn, exactly the same manuever I pulled that started this mess. My spandex covered rear end doesn't grip at all on the plastic seat and I have to dig my cleated feet into the rubber floor to prevent from crashing into the side door.

On the way downtown, Gish sees two homeless looking guys riding clunker bikes on the sidewalk.

"It's illegal to ride on the sidewalk," he loudly admonishes them over the cruiser's loudspeaker. "Get off now!"

I just shudder.